Most the time I don’t think about this, but it really got to me that I started to worry…Am I what Shane really wanted?? (STUPID CONCERNS! Especially considering we were in town buying for the wedding! But I have been getting a lot of anxiety recently…Which didn’t help!)

I don’t ‘feel’ female (even my mum thinks I’m more of a son!), and I’ve always preferred masculine clothing, but coz it’s not ‘seen as normal’ I’ve never had the confidence to go all out and wear it in public. I’ve known girls who really know how to doll themselves up! They all looked so stunning and I was just some lump with girly clothing awkwardly draped over me. At times I wished I could be like them, because people seemed to like pretty girls and I didn’t want to be alone. As sad as that sounds, it was a real concern of mine for the longest time.

I’ve been told “you should try more makeup”, “why don’t you dress more like [insert pretty friends name here]”, “you would look really pretty if you tried”.

When I think back to when I tried to be someone I’m not, I can’t help but feel I’ve wasted so many years! It was so emotionally draining it pushed me further than just tears, I was having breakdowns. At the time I had been away from my folks for months, so I had no one really to talk to. I felt isolated and desperate, which is stupid because it was only a few people who made me feel this way! But because I was so close to them at the time, their thoughts and opinions mattered a lot to me. It’s hard to see clearly when you’re in the thick of it all.

It wasn’t until a couple of years ago did I start to identify as ‘Agender’, meaning I feel neither male nor female, and its amazing knowing I’m NOT alone!

Shane’s given me so much confidence, it may seem dumb to some people, but being comfortable living in my own skin has been a huge relief on me, especially with having someone like Shane love me no matter how I appear! (which is great coz I look TERRIBLE in the mornings! XD)